Tim Peake ‘bored as fuck’ after 700th rotation of the Earth

Tim Peake ‘bored as fuck’ after 700th rotation of the Earth


Astronaut Tim Peake today declared that he was ready to come home, having become ‘bored as fuck’ after only 2 months in space.

The former platoon Commander told reporters, ‘I’ve over 3000 flying hours under my belt, 17 years on a helicopter and an award for best wing student.

I. Was. Top Gun.

But up here I can’t even get my hands on the damn space-wheel-thingy!’.

Peake went on to complain, ‘that bloody Russian keeps hogging it and he’s not letting me have a go at all. Even worse, I’ve pretty much got bitch seat so can’t put some decent tunes on.’

Peake’s statement surprised many of the public, who have joined together to lecture the astronaut about ‘the majesty of watching Earth slowly turning from space’.

‘Look, it’s alright if he’s a bit pissy with the Russians,’ one man from south London told us. ‘But my taxes sent him up there (I think??), and I’ll be damned if he doesn’t spout platitudes about the fragility of life and the need for global understanding, every single minute he’s on that station..’

To some surprise Peake is considering giving into the public’s demands, provided he can: ‘put on some decent, underground grime – not that overplayed Stormzy shit, just once’.

Possibly Related Purchase: Rocket Man: The Definitive Hits (Album)

Image Credit: European Space Agency,, [Image has been edited using light and shadow effects]

f: t:


Click to add a comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


More in TECH

Image Credit: Naveen Kadam,, [Image has been edited using light and shadow effects]

30% of friendships now solely tagging each other in Facebook posts

NotSoNewsNovember 22, 2016
tinder logo2

Happy tinder couple still can’t get their mates to shut up

NotSoNewsJanuary 16, 2016
facebook logo2

Facebook to prompt ‘trusted’ users to register to vote

NotSoNewsFebruary 4, 2015
ross-ulbricht-linkedin 2

Dread Pirate Roberts found guilty of ‘whimsical roleplay’

NotSoNewsFebruary 4, 2015
Image Credit: raneko,, [Image has been edited using light and shadow effects]

Apple Watch revealed to be final Dragon Ball

NotSoNewsFebruary 3, 2015