News broke overnight that the Republican primary was actually ‘one long set up’ for a joke decrying supporters of Trump, Cruz, and co, as the ‘American Taliban’.
With Republicans leading themselves towards the same punchline as the last two elections, it emerged that all the GOP candidates have been stage managed, and in some cases paid off, by the same mysterious figure.
From Rubio’s glitches to Trump’s ‘winning’, underlying forces have allegedly steered the candidates to sound like a mash-up of Osama Bin Laden, Chuck Norris, Ayn Rand, and Ebenezer Scrooge. Sources confirmed that when Trump claimed he would ‘ban all Muslim immigration’, and Marco Rubio asked Americans to ‘always obey God’, they were just following a script to identify themselves to other members of the Vanilla ISIS.
These efforts have all been arranged by one unknown figure, who undoubtedly is waiting to tell his friends: ‘They want more guns, more religion, and less gays? Sounds like the Taliban hahaha.’
A press hunt is now under way to identify the prankster behind this modern day yall’qaeda, and to determine if they have been planning this same joke for the last 8 years.
Until then it’s not clear who has paid for the joke to be arranged, (except for immigrants, poor people, and fans of sane political discourse…).
Possibly Related Purchase: American Taliban: How War, Sex, Sin, and Power Bind Jihadists and the Radical Right (Book)
Image Credit: Pargon, https://flic.kr/p/7NYjbE, [Image has been edited using light and shadow effects]