The National Health Service is to undergo it’s largest transformation to date, as research revealed that David Cameron’s vaunted ’24 hour NHS service’, will last for just 24 more hours.
The shocking news was discovered by Steven Maxley, a student at the Manchester University of Health. Maxley identified that throughout all the speeches, debates and manifestos promising a ’24 hour NHS’, Cameron had failed to confirm that the service would continue after that point.
When pressed, a spokesman for the Prime Minister argued that the controversial proposal was evident in the Conservative Party manifesto
just as with cuts to child tax credits. However, the spokesman did admit that the font colour used in that particular section was ‘a peculiar shade of ‘Teresa May Pale”.
The remaining minibus of Liberal Democrats were the first political party to react; promising that they would ‘add a heart to the Tory proposal’ and ensure that the NHS lasted ‘another 36 hours at the very least. Or maybe the very most. We wouldn’t want to lose the middle ground…’
It’s understood that Cameron is likely to go on a charm offensive in order to repair the political damage created by defenestrating Britain’s last major religion. In an extract from his upcoming address to the Commons, Cameron promises that ‘the mess of the NHS will be replaced with a far simpler system of deductibles, insurance, copays, employer-assistance, charity and dental plans.’
In addition, No. 10 are prepping Ministers on the lines to take when asked why the NHS will soon resemble the famously unjust US healthcare ‘system’. If challenged as to why financial wealth should determine healthcare availability, Ministers are told to say: ‘The system we propose is nothing like the US system. For a start, their one is based on dollars and is only available within the United States. And Puerto Rico. Whereas our new, post-NHS system is based on pound sterling and is exclusively available to UK citizens (who can afford it).’
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Image Credit: Presidenciamx, https://flic.kr/p/CotMw7, [Image has been edited using light and shadow effects]