CULTURE

Man’s brilliance confirmed upon learning he has heard 3 of Pitchfork’s ‘Top 10 Albums of the Year’

Man’s brilliance confirmed upon learning he has heard 3 of Pitchfork’s ‘Top 10 Albums of the Year’

#WakeMeUpWhenSomebodyCares

After learning that he had heard 3 of Pitchfork’s ‘Top 10 Albums of the Year’, a man from south London spent today informing his colleagues of his superior music taste.

Jay Wilkins, who’s known by his friends to wear his headphones right up to the point of meeting them in the hope that somebody will ask what he is listening to, found out earlier that he was almost halfway to matching the music taste of someone who is presumably paid for their music knowledge.

Whilst others went about their day with little care of how their Spotify playlists were perceived, Jay was selling himself as being ‘woke’ for having listened to Frank Ocean’s Blonde whilst it was still an exclusive on the underground label; ‘Apple Music’.

His colleague Emma Kelly told us, ‘Jay’s normally quite an obnoxious guy so nobody’s really that surprised when he starts boasting. But I think we were all a bit underwhelmed this time. Last year he made it a point to watch the top 100 rated movies on IMDB and then challenged people to better them.’

His ex-girlfriend Vanessa confirmed this and added, ‘the year before he collected newspaper articles asserting that night owls like himself were more intelligent and sexually accomplished. But compared to this even that’s starting to look less naff in hindsight.’

Despite the reluctance of his colleagues or friends to find meaning in his recent accomplishments, Jay did not let his spirit be dampened and even offered to help his younger cousin ‘discover more cool music and bands’.

That cousin, desperate to escape the family Christmas party, reluctantly agreed that Subeteo’s ‘Midnight Moonshine’ was ‘definitely deserving of a top 5 slot, even though it came a lowly 7’. (This despite him being unaware of what an album was and getting all of his music in 10 second snippets on Snapchat.)

Meanwhile Jay’s oldest brother was both smug and slightly gutted to see that no ‘Best of 2016’ list included any albums, films or events he had ever heard of.

Possibly Related Purchase: NME Presents The 90s (CD)

Image Credit: Gemini Club (3/10/14), https://flic.kr/p/kW6REk [Image has been edited using light and shadow effects]

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