In a sign of the continuing societal breakdown the Catholic Church has so often warned us about, a growing number of people are deciding to streamline their friendships by removing all verbal and physical communication.
Instead, these pioneers of 21st century ‘social’ networking are opting to only communicate with friends, loved ones and frenemies by tagging them in Facebook posts.
The posts in question may be prank videos, generic ‘Humans of Bumblefuckistan’ platitudes, heavily plagiarised motivational comments, or the standard dank meme. Although, it has been noted that this week’s ‘Evil Kermit’ meme has much less potential for ending the entire human race than last week’s ‘President Trump’.
The one constant though is that these self-replicating bites of popular culture are the only conduit by which 30% of us can now communicate with a fellow human.
Sarah Turner told us, ‘My best friend growing up was my neighbour Maddie. We did everything together, crayons, hopscotch, WKD, boys… So when we split ways for Uni it was really hard to keep in touch. But now, just two years later I’ve managed to rekindle the friendship by tagging her in Disney posts that reference actual, human memories from 7 years ago. Then she tags me in something political about the Dakota pipeline protests which I don’t really follow. We are absolutely still as tight as ever though – besties for life!’.
The technique is popular with men as well, as one commentator explained, ‘I’m not going to phone up my mate to tell him he gets with fat birds, or is shit at football, or is a bit of a munter himself. That would be cruel and in all honesty I’m not sure how to use a phone anymore. Instead, I can just tag him in a picture of someone getting with a whale whilst stacking it over a football and failing to down a pint. Lot more personal.
I started tagging mates to keep in touch, writing stuff like ‘hey @Joe! this is so you 😉 😉 let’s have a pint some time!!’. Now, tagging a mate in something is keeping in touch. I’ve stopped adding emoji as well, I’ll just write @Joe. He either gets it or he doesn’t. If he doesn’t – friendship over, if he does – he tags me in a picture. Absolute best man material there’.
As well as the tagging addiction highlighted causing a collapse in the tender social fabric holding our vastly heterogenous population together, economists were predicting it would also
bring a positive effect create a massive stimulus of shitty ‘tag a mate who…’ Facebook pages.
Possibly Related Purchase: Friends – Season 1-10 Complete Collection [DVD] 
Image Credit: Naveen Kadam, https://flic.kr/p/fnLgne, [Image has been edited using light and shadow effects]