Internet pranksters were left empty-handed, as millions of people chose to forego all use of the internet on April 1st.
On their traditional day of celebration, pranksters, jokers and other internet dickheads were expecting a windfall in outrage and poorly worded derogatory Facebook comments. However absolutely nobody who was not involved in a prank themselves, chose to use the internet throughout all of April Fools’ Day.
This left the online world as a sea of friendly fire, as idiot took on idiot to cries of ‘it’s just a prank, man!’
It also meant that away from the sea of screens, the UK adopted an eerie 1950s pre-smartphone calm. Newsreaders reported that without the constant ‘technological menace’, kids were walking to school again, neighbours invited each other over, and national leaders met to discuss what to do about the growing ‘red menace’.
James Stevens told us, ‘Normally I wake up and check my phone within 20 seconds. If my follower count drops below 10,000 over night, I need to know that.
But, you can’t trust anything on the internet on April Fools’ Day. Last year I ordered a couple DVDs from Amazon and got sent that pasta that’s shaped like a bag of cocks. Bloody hilarious.’
Elsewhere, Eliose Woords had issues getting back from a night out, ‘I called an Uber and in a hilarious prank they decided to send a standard black cab instead. I got charged 3x my regular price, hit on by the driver, told that ‘all cyclists are wankers’ and then refused change. This year I’m giving the whole damn thing a miss.’
With record numbers choosing to avoid the connected world, a breezy 1950s chill has descended across the UK, much to the relief of white middle class Christian men who can go about their day safe in the knowledge that they won’t be targeted for embarrassment.
The retro vibe has apparently gone down less well in gay, immigrant, and disabled communities, as well as with women, religious minorities and fans of the Beatles.
Possibly Related Purchase: Penis Pasta – Novelty Pasta
Image Credit: Steven Depolo, https://flic.kr/p/9HdCwk [Image has been edited using light and shadow effects]