David Cameron returned to London declaring that negotiations over Britain’s membership of the EU ‘had been a resounding success’.
Stepping of a plane at Heathrow airport, Cameron told the assembled press that he had ‘stuck it to those faceless bureaucratic yazoos’, and won concessions which would enable Britain to take its place at the kiddie-table of European integration.
Amongst the concessions realised, are:
- Metro lines across the EU will be referred to exclusively as ‘Tubes’
- Once a week cars in mainland Europe will drive on the right, left hand side of the road
- The Google ‘Right to be Forgotten’ will automatically apply to incidents of pig necrophilia
- England v. Germany penalties will proceed only ‘if the Germans promise to go easy on us’
- French waiters will only be permitted to angrily mutter twice at the mispronunciation of a menu item
With these changes, leading europhiles hope that they will have met the public’s demand to return immigration control and political sovereignty to the UK.
Donald Tusk, President of the EU Commission, also noted that, ‘we promised Cameron that Britain did not have to continue in an ever closer union if they did not want to.’
‘But if the Prime Minister drops his keys in the bowl and makes for the bedroom, who am I to say that Chancellor Merkel won’t meet him there.’
Possibly Related Purchase: Against the Troika: Crisis and Austerity in the Eurozone (Book)
Image Credit: Hernán Piñera, https://flic.kr/p/amzKM3, [Image has been edited using light and shadow effects]