Sarah Palin announced today that she would be endorsing Donald Trump for President of the United States.
Her actions immediately ignited speculation that she would be declared his running mate and provided struggling writers everywhere with a renewed punchline.
The news that Palin was saying something ridiculous immediately sent the twittersphere wild, with every comedic hack aiming for a new angle on an old joke – Sarah Palin is crazy and she does crazy things.
However, a darker side to the story has emerged.
Recent investigations reveal that the underground Collaborative Humorist Alliance (CHA), a commune of bitter and broken comedians, may have engineered Palin’s entry into the debate through sacrifices to the Dark Lord.
With Alan Rickman, David Bowie, Lemmy, and Glenn Frey all passing recently, a supernatural explanation seems the only reasonable answer, and the finger has quickly been pointed at comedians – who have the most to gain from appeasing the Dark Lord.
One insider source refuted this explanation, telling us, ‘Yes, we’re all very happy that Sarah Palin has got involved – we had long ago run out of jokes about Trump’s hair and Ben Carson started to remind us of our own unstable uncles.
BUT, to suggest we killed a group of celebrities in an elaborate manner, possibly involving the improvised – though well executed delivery of polonium-210, is quite honestly laughable.’
Despite this denial public opinion appeared to blame the CHA for recent events, whilst also supporting them in their actions.
‘Look, I’m a realist’, one mother told us. ‘I want my kids to grow up in a world of laughter and with pitiable, though extremely dangerous, fringe politicians.
So, I completely understand the actions taken in appeasing the Dark Lord. Yes we’ve lost some fantastic people, but we’ve regained Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live and can continue to tell conservative colleagues about the land masses we see from our back yards. That’s probably worth it.’
When reached for comment himself, the Dark Lord refused to divulge any details but it is widely acknowledged that his influence, or that of George RR Martin, is the only reasonable conclusion.
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Image Credit: Gage Skidmore, https://flic.kr/p/e4qkCN, [Image has been edited using light and shadow effects]