The campaign against Chelsea ground to a halt at the weekend when it became bogged down at Stalingrad.
Defences led by Jose Mourinho, the reanimated corpse of Ken Wright, and John Terry (he of the salmon block) successfully held the campaign at the doors of the city. Roman Abramovitch was said to have been pleased with the defence shown and in particular with the field combat of the Brigadier United Section (BUS).
BUS performed exceptionally well against the ‘Opposition Campaign’, managing to nullify not only Mesut Ozil and Angel de Maria, but also successfully stifling any neutral fan’s enthusiasm for the 2014/15 premiership season.
One fan even commented that ‘War is hell, and hell is Stamford Bridge on a weekday under Mourinho. I’m glad to be in Stalingrad instead, even with the shrapnel’.
Reporters on the scene at Stalingrad have said that Chelsea parked their tanks on the lawn, opposite the troops of Brigadier Marshall Michael Oliver and began firing £50 notes at him. The suggestion that one such note left the battleground with B.M. Oliver has been vigorously denied by both sides – despite TunnelCam evidence to the contrary.
Possibly Related Purchases: The José Mourinho Quote Book
Image Credit: Ronnie Macdonald, https://flic.kr/p/L1r9S, [Image has been edited using light and shadow effects]