CULTURE

50 Shades pirate streams to make tube journeys even more awkward

50 Shades pirate streams to make tube journeys even more awkward

#TFLBDSM

Transport for London today issued an official warning, advising Londoners that tube journeys in the capital would get ‘at least 30%’ more awkward as middle aged housewives downloaded or streamed the new movie 50 Shades of Grey.

The film, which documents what would happen if Bella Swan was into bondage and that vampire dude had an even creepier stare, has already lit up the cinemas. Jane Buchan from Swindon said that watching it was ‘one of the most erotic experiences of my life’, a fact that was not compounded by the smell of stale popcorn, the film’s nauseating dialogue or damp seats at her local cinema.

It is thought that with the film now available on pirate downloading sites, hundred of tech-savvy women, and at least 4 men, will be watching it on tablet devices on the tube. TFL said that they would not take any measures to prevent people from viewing it on the tube, an action previously reserved to spare brazilian tourists from world cup highlights.

However, applying this approach to 50 Shades poses obvious problems for anyone with a sense of decency, or a sense of taste in their bondage-themed porn.

One of the latter type, Jill Henderson said ‘I have no issue with seeing glimpses of arse on the tube, and none at all with hearing the muffled moans of a young twenty-something out of some yuppies shitty iPhone headphones. My only concern is that impressionable young kids may see this film in the reflection of a carriage and believe that that is what bondage is like. When really it is far more about pegging, gagging, and general depravity, then gently twatting someone’s… twat with a riding crop. I wouldn’t want them to get the wrong idea about sex, that’s all’.

Possibly Related Purchase: Grey: Fifty Shades of Grey as told by Christian

Image Credit: 50 Shades of Grey (2015), Universal Pictures

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